Thursday, 08 January 2009

• Meet Karen Demmery - My Australian SISTA

  THE HIGHEST PEAK: Why I do what I do
  Issue 166 - 13 Nov 2008
  
  ISSUE 166, November 13, 2008: In a new fortnightly column, KAREN DEMMERY urges you to think outside the... shape.
  
  Hello, my name is Karen Demmery. My goal is to help one million women to believe in themselves. I want to help my people and everyone else on top of that will be a bonus.
  
  I would first like to acknowledge my old people who have gone before me to clear the path I walk today. I am who I am because of you.
  
  I am a Wiradjuri woman born in Dubbo NSW. Although I have lived in Canberra for nearly 20 years, I love my hometown. I love being Aboriginal. We have the greatest culture in the whole world. I love being a woman. I love that I have skinny legs and bigger hips (some days more than others), or that I can change my mood depending on the day or time. I also love being a strong proud woman.
  
  I'm cut from the cloth of a long line of strong women, three who are still with me, and two who are with me now in spirit.
  
  My mother, who is the greatest woman to ever live, taught me what a work ethic really is. My Nan who is amazing because she is my Nan. My aunty who guides and supports me. My two aunties who guide me in spirit do so much for me. To all these women, I can never thank you enough.
  
  I'll be talking about women and empowerment, women and business and women and money. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on any of these topics. I talk about these topics from a place of my experience with my story firmly behind me. These are my opinions based on my life experience. So I invite you to question me.
  
  I love hearing different opinions because it gives me an option I may have never thought of. I might not agree with it, and if I don't then I let it go. However, if I agree with it, I have two options, rather than the one I had myself.
  
  So once you've questioned what I've written and thought about your opinion on it, then I'll invite you to go one step further and question where that opinion you hold comes from.
  
  Is it your own? Has it been taught to you by someone and you've never stopped to question it or ask if it's actually working for you and serving you, or is it working against you?
  
  If it's not working for you, or serving your greater good, I'd invite you to respectfully decide if you can let it go or change it.
  
  I say respectfully because from a cultural perspective, I would never intend for you to disrespect the culture, or the person who gave you the information. Are your opinions and thoughts serving your greater good? Or do they work against you and keep you in a place of anger and resentment?
  
  To decide this you must question it.
  
  I read a story once about a mother and daughter who were preparing the traditional Sunday dinner. The mother cut the ends off the roast before placing it in the large baking tray as she had done for probably a decade.
  
  Her daughter asked her why she cut the end off the roast. The mother replied that her mother had done it so she just did it as well.
  
  The daughter asked if she could ask her Nan next time why she always cut the end off the roast. The mother called the Nan and asked the question. After the grandmother had stopped laughing, she informed them both that the only reason she cut the end off the roast was because the baking tray was too small to hold the entire roast.
  
  Both mother and daughter decided to continue to cut the end off the roast, but they now knew why they were doing it. Respectfully questioning.
  
  Sometimes it pays to question your actions. It made me wonder what those women thought about while they were preparing the roast each week. Did they stop to think about the reasons they did this? Our thoughts are wonderful things. We have complete control over them. Good or bad, we decide.
  
  You cannot stop a thought, however, you can decide to let go of a negative thought and turn it into a positive one. It takes a decision to do that.
  
  For example, you come out to get into the car and take the kids to school and you find the car won't start. Do you smash up the car, yell at the kids and kick the dog? Or do you jump on the phone and ring your best friend's uncle's son, who you know is a mechanic and ask him to come and look at your car?
  
  Since it's off pay week, do you tell him that you can't pay him today, so you can either owe him a favour or this Sunday, he is invited to Sunday dinner with you and your family (with the ends cut off the roast, of course).
  
  Have you controlled the situation or has the situation controlled you?
  
  When you decide to control the situation it's fabulous because you become responsible for your life. And it all starts with a thought.
  
  Life is managed, it's not cured. Life is about how you handle the breakdowns that happen everyday. The break in the flow of your's and your family's life. It's my belief that the thoughts you hold play a big part in how you handle those breakdowns.
  
  You can decide to sit and wallow in pity, thinking the world is against you, or you can get on and do what is in your power to fix, change, or ignore the situation or problem.
  
  Yes some situations are out of your control, but how you think about those situations is not.
  
  It may not be fair, or right, but it is my belief that wasted energy is just that, wasted.
  
  You have the power to decide what you think about. Even those people in prison can choose to think free thoughts. They can choose to think that they are serving a higher good because they can be an example of how not to live your life. Perhaps they can see themselves as teachers. How wonderful would that be to think like that?
  
  As I've said, I speak from experience. I have done things that I would like to be an example to others of how not to do something. I cannot change the past, but my family can learn from it, as can I.
  
  The amazing thing about your thoughts is that you alone have the power to change them, every day, every minute, even every second. And as black women, we change our minds all the time, which is awesome.
  
  I love the way I think. I think like no one else around. You have probably heard the saying 'to think outside the square'. Well I think so far outside of it, you could say I'm a different shape altogether, which I love, although I'm sure I drive my family insane sometimes because of it.
  
  I also love how children think. I love how children also question everything.
  
  So as I've gotten older, I've started to question things again. I don't take what someone tells me as the absolute truth anymore. I ask why. When someone says "they" reckon this or that, I usually ask 'Really, where did they get that information from?'
  
  Does that sit with me? Do I agree or disagree or do I need more time to think about it, or do I even care enough to spend time thinking about what I think about it. It's completely up to me to decide. That's just wonderful.
  
  I'm in the business of empowering women, that's what I was born to do. Everything I have been through in my life has gotten me to this point right here.
  
  You may not agree with what I say, and that's ok, I don't mind. If one person out there reading this gets something useful from it, then it was worth it for me.
  
  I am okay assisting one million women to believe in themselves, even it if is one woman at a time. If it reaches more than that, hey it's a bonus.
  
  You may ask why I want to help empower women? I do so in taking nothing away from our black brothers, uncles and sons. There are many strong black men out there making changes. This is not about you. This is about our women.
  
  I would like to see our strong women take their place at the table, at the head of the organisation, in the community, or more importantly to me, take their place in their family.
  
  As I said at the start of this article, I come from a long line of strong women. Single mothers who decided to do what they had to for our family. Leading the way everyday to show us, their daughters, how it can be done when you decide to get up and do it.
  
  So many of us women do this everyday without even realising how wonderful we are. How strong and powerful we are, how smart we are. I want to remind you of that. You must believe it for others to see it. There is no shame in being proud. It all starts with the thought. This is why I do what I do.
  
  Every day is a new day. What will you do today to make your world a little brighter? I invite you to start by questioning why you do what you do.
  
  I'm very excited about assisting you on your journey, should you decide to allow me the honour of sharing in it with you.
  
  
  
  * Karen Demmery runs training courses in leadership, skills development, mentoring, self esteem/confidence and life Management. She is also a life coach, motivational speaker and businesswomen, and now a fortnightly NIT columnist and writer. You can email Karen direct at karen.demmery@live.com.au

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